hellabanter:

how do people get pictures like these i dont understand

So my professor was asking questions.

Professor: Who plans on getting married within the next 5-10 years?
Like 3 people: *raises hand*
Professor: Who plans on never getting married?
Me: *raises hand*
Professor: *points me out* why?
Me: It's illegal.
Professor: touche.

chongotheartist:

theyatemytailorr:

never in my life did I think that toilet doors would make me so angry

sandfoxes:

Before I met him, I would dance in the shower.

When he was in my life, I would think about showering with him.
After he left, I would sit on the ground in the shower and cry.
When I got over him, I showered so quickly there was no time for dancing, fantasies or tears.

Someone can invade the smallest parts of your life,
you won’t even realize it until you dance in the shower again
and wonder why you ever stopped.

this is too real

smitethepatriarchy:

holymashedpotatoesbatman:

klinki:

self diagnosing is so hard because everytime you’re like “maybe I am mentally ill” theres also a big part of you going “nah you’re probably just a naturally lazy/nasty/disgusting/useless person trying to find an excuse for your behavior” because of the institutionalized ableism that runs through everything

So go to the doctor and get an actual diagnosis?

Why don’t poor people just buy more money?

friendfrog:

if plane tickets were ten dollars i would fight every one of my mutuals

Wake me up at 3am just to tell me that I’m not close enough. Wake me again at 7am because we need to get ready for the day. Once more at 7:15 because we both know I don’t do mornings. Tell me about the dream you had last night while we have toast and orange juice. I’m tired as hell but I hear and feel every single word that you say. Ask me how I slept because you feel like you’ve been talking for too long. My answer is always the same when you ask, sleeping next to you is heavenly. Apologize for waking me up at 3 while I assure you that it’s okay and that I’m so glad that you did, then rally in your stubborn persistence the notion that it was out of line. Start explaining how wrong it was. You won’t get very far into your rant because I need to kiss you. Not only to stop you from being ridiculous but because I love you so much more than I can express with words. So please, wake me up at 3am so I can pull you closer and kiss you softly. “I love you endlessly” will be my sleepy response each time; as those four words are the only ones that can even come close to explaining my feelings for you. —(via fl0ridagirl)

meidosuji:

meidosuji:

There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.

I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele

laughhard:

I live in a conservative/unfunny town, so this type of thing is almost unheard of

gymleaderkyle:

some stupid bitch: i dont want to watch american horror story because i dont like scary things

me:

image

fischotterchen:

OH MY GOSH HE ASKED FOR A HUG AND HIS BUDDY CAME RUNNING IM GONNA CRY

bewbin:

bewbin:

Now that I’m an adult I have to make more serious posts

Briefcase

darvll